My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
