singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
