i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
