So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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