hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I just found a bag of teeth...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
