u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
