No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
