So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
