I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
