He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
