see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
PANTIES FOUND
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