this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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