I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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