I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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