Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
