READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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