He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
