He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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