Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I checked into jail on foursquare
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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