When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
