Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
