Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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