flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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