why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Your cock deserves a montage
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
