I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
