I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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