I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
