Cold hands, warm shart.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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