i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
