rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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