i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
