Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
