I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
whose ass print is on the piano?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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