I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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