I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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