Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
