dude i'm inner monologue high
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
