my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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