Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The uberlube is also flammable
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
