man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
