im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
