When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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