Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
