next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
