We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
