You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
