I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
