who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
