K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
