forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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